Plans don't mean anything
by ohlalarisse
Summary: AU Season 9. Plans never work out the way you think they are going to, just ask April Kepner. In her short medical career she's been fired twice, she's not a board certified surgeon, currently finds herself involved in a complicated romantic relationship with her best friend and to top it all she could be pregnant with said friend's child.
1. Chapter 1

Plans never work out the way you think they are going to, ask April Kepner if you don't believe it. After waiting twenty-eight years to find the right person she decided to throw caution to the wind and slept with her best friend, after all something that felt so good couldn't be bad, right? _And boy did it feel right!_

Well, turns out that God, the universe or whatever higher power you may choose to believe in doesn't agree with her.

So now she's here, involved in an undefined pseudo romantic relationship with her best friend, not a virgin for her hypothetical future husband and to top it all possibly pregnant out of wedlock with said friend's child.

It wasn't supposed to happen like this, she had a plan, she was supposed to be married to the love of her life and when she told her husband they were going to be parents in one of the cheesiest ways ever they would be extremely happy about it, but in the memorable words of Meredith Grey "plans don't mean anything."

And that just sucks.


	2. Chapter 2

All started with an innocent comment about a wedding, a deposit and a date, which made April realize that her usually very regular period was late, four whole days late. Since that moment she has been bordering hysterics.

Tracking Jackson through the hospital to tell him was nerve-wrecking, not because she was afraid to do it or how he would react, he was Jackson, her friend first and foremost and she trusted him above everyone else, it was due to the very real possibility that she was carrying a baby inside her, a tiny little human that could turn their whole worlds up side down.

They were not ready for this, to bring a child into this new and complicated thing they had, she wasn't sure it could be even called a relationship. She had feelings for him, very strong '_I never felt this_ _way before'_ kind of feelings. And according to him he had feelings for her too, a lot of them. Were they more than merely friendly? She certainly hoped so because hers definitely were.

He reacted as she expected, shocked and in denial at first, but then calmed and logical. They didn't know for sure, so it was pointless to worry until they were certain, easier said than done, especially if you weren't the one possibly carrying the source of the worry inside your uterus. They were constantly separated through the day, she needed him with her, he'd become her lifeline, what kept her sane and calm through a lot of difficult situations and gave her confidence and reassurance in others, when he'd become such an important part of her life she didn't know for sure.

She run into Meredith when she was waiting for Jackson to come for her so she could get her blood test and in true April Kepner mode spilled everything to the other doctor. What stuck with her about that encounter was what Meredith said last, 'plans don't mean anything,' she told April and from that she not only understood that Meredith herself was pregnant, but that things happened when they were supposed to, not matter what your plans or desires were.

After Jackson drew her blood and sent it to the lab all they could do was wait for the results, so she went through her day trying to concentrate on her cases because her patients deserved the best care possible and not a doctor that was too preoccupied and distracted with her own issues to provide it. It happened once to her and a woman died as a result, she would never be negligent like that ever again.

But when she didn't have anything to distract her from it, all she could think about was what would she do if she was in fact pregnant. That she would have the baby wasn't even up for question, her faith and personal beliefs made it impossible for her to even consider to terminate the pregnancy. She would raise her baby, even if she had to do it alone.

She and Jackson were involved in a _maybe sort of relationship_, but never defined what it was, they never had _'the talk'_. He said it wasn't just sex to him and it wasn't just that to her either, but she didn't know exactly what they were. Were they even dating? Where they only friends with benefits that kind of had feelings for each other? Could they be more?

April didn't know how he felt about being a father, or even if he wanted to be one at all. She would never force his hand, if he wanted to be part of the child's life even if things went bad between them she would let him. If he didn't want anything to do with it she would do it alone, not matter how much it hurt her.

As much as she felt she wasn't ready to be a mother yet because the timing couldn't be worse, with her uncertain relationship status and having failed her boards, a very small part of her was in awe. She could be carrying a new life inside her, a small part of her and Jackson could be growing in her womb. She always wanted to be a mother, in a hypothetical future with her equally hypothetical husband, but as time passed and she never had any kind of relationship she saw that future becoming more and more unlikely. So maybe a tiny part of her was sort of awed.

And then Jackson came waltzing towards her and said he was all in, he assured her they could do it. They could get married and have the baby, they could have the wedding she'd always dreamed of and have a house with the white picket fence and be a family. She gave him an out, but he didn't want one, he was all in. She was swept off her feet by his excitement and happily agreed. They could have it all, together.

But April being April, tended to over-analyse everything, when she was on her own she started to wonder if Jackson really wanted to get married, a few months back he'd said he wasn't ready to be anyone's husband, why would that suddenly change? The only new factor in the equation was the baby, his baby, he had an absent father, maybe he didn't want that for his own child.

For April that wasn't a good enough reason to get married, she wanted to marry for love, and she loved Jackson. When he proposed, the happiness she felt at the thought of being with him forever, to be able to call him her husband, made her realize she was in love with him, she had been for some time, it made perfect sense too because she was not a 'no feelings kind of sex' girl, maybe at first she thought she could be, but in reality she was just too scared to admit even to herself that she felt something for her best friend.

She wanted to marry him, but not because he felt obligated to do it. Maybe he was doing it for her too, for her faith and so she didn't have to face this alone. She couldn't handle the possibility that he would regret it in the future, to her marriage was forever.

* * *

><p>They are sitting side by side on the bench outside the hospital doors and in her hands she holds the answer to the question they've been asking themselves all day, 'is she or is she not pregnant?'<p>

She honestly doesn't know what she hopes the answer to be, her emotions are a jumbled mess right now going in a hundred different directions, all mixed up with the feelings she has for the man sitting quietly by her side.

Her hands are shaking uncontrollably when she opens the results and reads what is written on the paper, the word flashes at her, black against white.

She turns to Jackson, who is watching her attentively like he's trying to guess the answer just from her reaction, but her face is giving nothing away, it's a blank mask just like his. 'Do you really want a baby, Jackson?' April wants to ask him because besides seeing his anxiety, she can't detect what he hopes the results to be.

She takes a deep breath before telling him that their world is about to change, that is about to be turned up side down. "Pregnant," she says and eyes him nervously, waiting for his reaction. Her thoughts run in a million different directions, there's a baby inside her, their baby, planned or not, it stirs intense feelings in her. Anxiety, excitement, fear, doubt.

"Okay," his lips curve into a small smile and he extends his left arm circling her shoulders, he brings her closer against him and presses a soft kiss on her temple, "we can do this," he whispers next to her ear.

"Do you really think so?" she asks, her eyes watering.

"Yeah, we can do this, me and you," he assures her, he frames her face with his free hand and lowers his pressing their lips firmly together. She welcomes it gladly and angles her head to deepen the kiss. He takes her top lip between his and she savors the taste of him, wrapping her arms around his neck she presses herself closer to his body. He switches to her bottom lip, sucking it softly, then coaxes his tongue between her parted lips and slowly explores her mouth.

Things have been like this between them from the start, going from zero to thirty in a millisecond. She's never felt that with anyone else, there's an undeniable spark between them, a magnetic pull, when he touches her she can't think straight and all she wants is more of him, always more.

Who'd have thought she'd get that kind of chemistry with her friend of all people. Maybe they don't make sense on paper because of their innumerable differences, but in reality they just seem to click, they fit. In a way they complement each other.

They come up for air, their breaths mingling as they rest their foreheads together. April holds on to him like he's her lifeline, her hands grabbing fistfuls of his jacket. "Jackson, I'm scared," she whispers.

He hugs her tighter and strokes the side of her face with his right hand. "I know, me too," he kisses her lips softly, "but we're gonna be fine. We can do this."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Hi! I hope you enjoyed this little introduction to the story. It's obviously going to be about the pregnancy story line we could have seen in season 9 if grey's writers were even a little less mean, LOL. It will loosely follow that season, but this is AU so it's going to be different. <strong>


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: the lack of Japril is really really discouraging and we don't even have an episode this week =( I can't wait for 11x06. Can you?**

* * *

><p>They sit together outside the hospital ignoring the progressively colder temperature and the sirens of nearby ambulances, April is still cradled in Jackson's arms as the idea that a baby is coming to change their whole lives continues to settle on their minds.<p>

She doesn't want to move an inch, she knows that as soon as she leaves Jackson's arms the fear and doubt will overpower her again. She's pregnant, carrying their son or daughter, the fact that it wasn't expected is daunting enough. She doesn't want to think about all they'll have to face, telling her parents is the most frightening, they'll be so disappointed in her.

Jackson moves his hand slowly up and down her arm, "is your shift over?"

"Yes, but I've got a few charts to complete before leaving," April answers pressing herself closer to him as she shivers, he covers her with the lapels of his jacket and wraps his arms around her back to keep her warm, April sighs grateful for the body heat, but what she enjoys the most is the calm she feels in his presence, somehow he manages to soothe her nerves.

"I'll wait for you at the bar, call me when you are done," he suggests.

April looks up meeting his eyes. "Jackson, that's not really necessary, you must be tired. You should go."

She knows him, he doesn't like to show his emotions and even if he appears to be calm and collected he must be a wreck inside. He said he was all in, but neither of them planned for this to happen, feeling insecure or hesitant about the situation is expected. Freaking out it's understandable too.

"Come home with me. I don't want you to be alone, I don't want to be alone," he suggests holding her tighter.

April bites her lip studying his expression carefully. "Are you sure?" She prefers not to be alone tonight, the anxiety will eat her alive, but doesn't want to smother him, maybe he needs time and space process the situation.

"Yeah," he nods determined.

She almost says no, but in the end the need for the comfort he provides wins. And he offered after all. "Okay."

* * *

><p>At Joe's Jackson nurses his drink as he waits for April. He doesn't feel like drinking, he just wants to go home, fall into bed and sleep for a week or two and he wants April with him.<p>

All he can think about is the baby, he can't fully wrap his mind around the fact that they're going to be parents. He's going to be someone's father in nine months give or take and someone's husband probably sooner than that, he's not sure he's ready for any of it. But it's his baby and he's not someone that evades responsibilities, he's not his father, he's not a coward.

He will do the right thing for April and his baby. And for himself too because what he feels for her, hell, he might just go ahead and call it love, there's not other word good enough to describe it.

She drives him crazy in all the possible ways, she's perky and has a tendency to ramble and use metaphors that only make sense to her, she can go crazy about the silliest things and cry or get hysterical at minimal provocation. She's caring, funny, beautiful and sexy and he can't seem to keep his mind straight around her lately.

He never expected to get involved with his friend, that's not to say he never imagined how it would be to have sex with her, she's a beautiful woman and he's a man after all, he went there, as he once said to her he practically lives there, but he never expected to really happen.

The night of the Boards was surreal, she was bold and the way she kissed him made him want to forget she was a virgin, he tried to do the right thing, but she assured him time and time again that she was sure, she wanted it and they were great together, amazing really. He shouldn't have left that night, he should have stayed with her, to hold her or just to keep her company, but she pushed him away and he let her.

Then the freak out of the century occurred in the men's bathroom and they had sex again, it was even better than the first time, but she failed her boards and when they got home she wanted to pretend it never happened.

Her life was falling apart, she was pushing him away and he didn't know what he could do to fix it. He had his own issues, he was offered a great opportunity at Tulane, which was all he wanted in the first place, but after everything that happened between them, he wasn't sure it was the right choice anymore. And the plain crash and their friend's death and critical health conditions made him doubt his decision to leave even more.

He didn't want lo leave her, but she left him. He went looking for her at the bar as he said he would, even after everything that happened at the hospital and she wasn't there. He wanted to tell her how he felt, he didn't know exactly what it was, but he felt something and he wanted her to stay so they could explore the possibility that it could be more. Mark's words made him aware that you never knew what could happen, he didn't want to miss their chance as Mark and Lexie had.

It didn't matter in the end, April didn't wait for him. She never called him, he waited the first few weeks and considered calling her, but he began thinking that maybe she wanted to cut all ties, so he decided not to. He let her go, just as she had.

When she came back they tried to keep their distances, that's what she said she wanted. Evidently that didn't work and from that moment he couldn't get enough of her, even when she kept going on and on about the re-virginizing thing and how weak or disgusting she was and desserts and what not, he was annoyed but he put up with it because he felt something for her. And not matter how many times they said it would be the last time, he couldn't stop.

He told her that it wasn't just sex to him that he had feelings for her, a lot of them, she didn't say anything about having feelings for him in return, the possibility that it was one-sided was terrifying, so he got away fast.

And now she's the mother of his child, they never defined what they had and now they are getting married with a baby on the way, he doesn't even know if she feels anything for him at all. He believes they can make it work, he loves her, he's sure of that now, but he's not certain it'll be enough if she feels nothing for him in return. She agreed to marry him though that means she must feel something, right?

Callie's words made him see what the right path was, April was afraid, they both were, her plans weren't working the way they were supposed to and a baby was the last thing they needed at the time, but he could do something to make her feel a little less scared.

When they started talking about weddings, marriage and houses with big yards for children to play in, despite the fear and uncertainty that plagued him he also felt excited about the possibility of having all of that with her.

Karev sits next to him taking him out of his musings, "you look like crap," the ped's surgeon comments.

_You don't know the half of it_, Jackson thinks, "yeah, that's about right."

"Beer," Alex says to the bartender before turning to face him again "so, Kepner's knocked up?"

Jackson looks at him deciding what the best answer might be, he's not surprised he figured it out, they weren't exactly convincing when Alex caught April and him together before.

When he doesn't answer Karev continues, "I mean she was acting a little weirder than usual, you were taking her blood."

"I don't see how that's any of your business," Jackson says exasperated and drinks from his glass.

The other surgeon ignores his sullen tone, "so, she is."

"Yeah," Jackson shrugs. There's not point in denying it, it'll be evident in a few months and Meredith Grey already knows, which probably means that soon Yang will know too.

Taking a drink from his beer Alex eyes him carefully, "so, are we drinking your sorrows away or are we celebrating?"

"We're still processing it," Jackson glares at him, "and no more calling her weird." She might be a little weird, it never bothered him even if sometimes she can be exasperating, he finds it kind of endearing. He's got it bad, he knows.

"She is."

"Yeah, I know, but just...you are not allowed to... say it." It bothers her, when people say she's weird or too perky or that they don't like her personality, so by extension it bothers him, he doesn't want to see her upset. He feels protective of her, now more than ever.

Karev rolls his eyes, "whatever"

"And keep quiet about it for now," Jackson says. At least until April considers she's ready to start telling people she's pregnant, the fewer people that know, the better.

"Cool."

* * *

><p>"Make yourself at home, I'll put your things in the bedroom," Jackson says as they walk inside his apartment, "take whatever you want from the fridge, be right back."<p>

In the kitchen April grabs a can of soda and sits by the counter waiting for Jackson to return. She feels out of place, she's been to his apartment before, but somehow this feels different. She's trying her best to remain calm and not to stress, but her thoughts keep coming back to the same thing. She's pregnant, they are having a baby.

_Baby, baby, baby, baby, baby_. It's all that seems to go through her mind, like a broken record, _baby, baby, baby._

"Are you hungry?" Jackson asks coming into the room.

"A little," she doesn't have much of an appetite, but now she has to consider the needs of the little person inside her too.

He smiles and rummages through the fridge, "let's see, there's some left over pizza," inspecting it he makes a disgusted expression, "no better not. I could make some spaghetti."

April rests the can of soda on the counter. "Sounds good. Do you need any help?"

"No, I'm good." She watches as he gathers what he needs to prepare the meal from cupboards and the fridge.

"Jackson Avery is cooking me dinner, I can hardly believe it," she teases. She almost can't believe it, any of it. Their relationship, the baby, marriage, weddings.

"I know how to make a few things," he smiles apologetically holding up a package of frozen pasta for her to see, "besides all I really need to do is the sauce."

She takes a sip of her drink. "I know."

"How are you holding up?" Jackson asks putting the pot with pasta on the stove.

"I'm okay," she shrugs opting for a short and somewhat truthful answer, better not to open that can of worms, all the conflicting emotions are lingering inside her, but somehow being with him makes her feel a little better because she knows she doesn't have to face them alone.

Eyebrows raised he glances at her as he begins to chop the ingredients for the sauce, "really?"

"As much as I can be, you?"

"I'm good, but we need to talk about what we're going to do."

April rests her hand on his forearm,"not right now. Later, okay?"

He nods patting her hand lightly.

"Karev figured it out," he comments dropping the chopped vegetables in a pan, "he saw me draw your blood and said we were acting weird."

"Meredith knows too, I freaked out in front of her and spilled, sorry" April apologizes. She had the meltdown of the year in front of her, but Meredith was right, things never turn down the way you think they are going to and maybe that could be a good thing.

"Don't be, I already know, heard most of it," picking up a wooden spoon he stirs the pasta. "Is not like we're gonna keep it a secret, it'll be evident pretty soon."

"I just want to keep it quiet until we figure out what we'll do," she explains.

"I get it, let's have dinner and then go to bed, I don't know about you but I feel I could sleep a whole week and still be tired," he gives her a smile. "We have plenty of time make decisions, okay?"

"That sounds like a great plan."


End file.
